A Study in Alternate Realities #1: Salad

How it actually happened:

Chris and I were down at the St. Paul Farmers Market on Sunday, as we are wont to do. It was a slowish day, but nice out, and so people were also out. A family walked by the stand at a little distance, and the teenager stopped, looked at the stand and asked her dad “Can we get some salad?”

 He looked at her a little befuddled, then looked at the farm stand dismissively. “Why?” he asked.

 “I think I’d like some salad” she said.

 He kind of made a grumble sound, and I might have perceived and eye roll. “We’re not getting any salad”.

 The family walked on, no salad, to whatever awaits them.

How it could have happened:

Chris and I were down at the St. Paul Farmers Market on Sunday. No surprise there…that happens every Sunday. Well, this family walked by the stand a little ways away and the young teenager took note of the farm stand.

 “Can we get some salad?” she asked her dad.

 “Why” he replied, seeming irritated that she’d ask for something so nonsensical as leaves.

 “Well, we never eat salad. We hardly eat anything that’s actually good for us, so I thought, maybe…”

 “We’re not getting any salad”, he said cutting her off mid sentence.

 As they began to walk away, I tightly secured the top of one of the bags of salad and I called an audible.

 “Hey kid!!” I yelled to the girl, who was already unhappily down the aisle in the crowd of people.

 She turned around and looked straight at me.

 “Think fast”, I yelled to the kid. I tossed a lateral to Chris who, hearing the change in play, was already deep in the pocket. Chris caught the salad, set up, and launched a hail mary salad bomb that would have made Joe Montana take notes. It soared over the crowd in a perfect arch, and right to the girl in deep crowd cover. I’ll be damned if she didn’t straight up Jerry Rice that pass! Perfect! Chris and I high five. The girl pumps a triumphant fist. It was clear, we were going to the Super Bowl.

 “On the house!” I yelled to her.

 “Thanks!!” she yelled back.

 Her dad looked at her in disbelief, hardly aware of what just transpired or how she ended up with that salad.

 “See!” she said smiling wide. “Salad!”.

  He looked at her disapprovingly. But she just stuck her tongue out at him and walked away with her leaves.

 He then looked back at me with the same scorn for the disrespect of his authority. I stuck my tongue out at him too.

How it should have happened:

Chris and I were at the St. Paul Farmers Market on Sunday, a lovely day. A family of four walked by and the young girl took note of the stand, as if it was something that she had been looking for.

 “Hey, can we get some salad?” she said to her dad.

 “Why?” he asked, seeming to not understand why she would ask such a thing.

 She stood thinking for a moment.

 “Well” she began, “I’ve been thinking and, you know, observing a lot lately. And I’ve come to the realization that life is really kind of just a collection of habits that we form over time and well, I’ve been looking at my habits…at our habits really, and realizing that they aren’t very good. They aren’t going to get me where I’d like to go in life. ‘Cause if you think about it, if you want to be like healthy and capable ten years from now, you kind of have to lay the ground for that now, and I am not seeing that I am on that path, and frankly, neither are you. And well, I’m looking at that salad over there and thinking “Now that’s a healthy habit I could stick with I think, or I could at least try to stick with”. As you well know, I am 14 years old and have almost no financial power and therefore very little autonomy over putting these healthy habits in place right now. You hold my future in your hands, and so I am asking you kindly and sincerely if we can get some salad”.

 The dad stood befuddled for a second, digesting what had just been said, processing the indictment inserted into all of it.

 “You really are kind of smart” he said.

 He and the girl broke from the rest of the family and the crowd and and approached the stand.

 “Hi” Chris said.

 ”Good morning!” I said, too cheerfully for his taste.

 The girl says “Hi”.

 The dad looked up, down and then up again. “Hey, uh, it sounds like we’re taking a salad”, he said.

 “Sure thing”, I replied. 

 He took out his wallet and started riffling through the bills. He looked flustered. He seemed deep in thought, in conflict.

 I had the salad in my hands, all ready to pass over. 

 “You know what…screw it” he said looking up at the ceiling exasperated. He took the money from his wallet. “We’ll take two salads”.